So my mum just took my phone away. And I really need to get it back. You see, my uncle died a few years ago, my parents (one who was emotionally abusive and one who was physically abusive) got divorced and then almost immediately remarried to different people, and I started cutting and had suicidal thoughts. It was a really bad time and I'm still trying to get over it. To this day, I still have really bad nightmares and panic attacks that I have to take medications for. I found a group of friends who've had a lot of trauma like that in their lives and we bonded very quickly. We are always there for each other, even if it's four a.m on a school night. And we also text in code because our parents sometimes check our phones. And that leads me to today. I wasn't feeling very well; I had a terrible headache, was dizzy, feeling bloated, and just all around felt like I was dying. So when my mother (the one who is emotionally abusive and whom I still live with) started going on about how I looked terrible and my shoes made me look like a stripper (they were five centimeter white wedges) and how I had too much money in my purse than one ought to have when going out to eat, I got a little bit crazy. My mother's prone to having mood swings and outbursts and they always tend to leave me crying myself to sleep at night. I walked out the door and went to wait by the car for my brother and father. When we all got in the car, I was starting to feel like I normally did when a panic attack was coming on. Naturally, I texted one of my friends for advice using our code. Our code for panic attack is "feeling like I want to burn" and then you put the reason afterwards separated by a semi-colon. Well unfortunately for me, my brother was looking over my shoulder at that moment, and because of our code my text read, "Talk to me please. Feeling like a want to burn; family." And then my brother started screaming at me and got my mother's attention. And he told her what I wrote and she got all mad. And then I tried to explain that it was part of code and it didn't actually mean I wanted to hurt them, and that there was a semi-colon, but she wouldn't listen to me! So she took my phone away and yelled at me for half an hour until I was bawling my eyes out. All over a misunderstanding that she won't let me explain! And the thing is, some of you may be sitting there like, "Oh, boo hoo. You're an angst ridden teenager who got her phone taken away. So what?" But whenever I have nightmares (which usually happen every single night) I call my friends to help me calm down. Also, I'm a performer and I have all my work (like scrips, music, choreography, and different writings) on my phone. So in other words, it's pretty essential. And when my mother takes things away, she take them away until she feels like returning it. Not like, two weeks. In other words, it may be six months before I have my phone back just because of a misunderstanding. And it was unjustly taken from me. Especially considering that I use my money to pay for it. But, anyway, I just needed somewhere to vent. If anybody has any ideas, let me know. Thanks.
11:41 PM -- Mar 20 2017